i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
