Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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