my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He keeps bees of course he's weird
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
