can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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