Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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