the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
