My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
