They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
