I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
