i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
