You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
