Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
