Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
