Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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