i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
