I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
