Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
