good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
