Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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