I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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