a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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