I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
