I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
