Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
