capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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