hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dignity is for republicans.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
