the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
