This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
