This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
