He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
