We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
