so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
