Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
