i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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