haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
