You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
