I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize