it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
