I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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