Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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