$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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