She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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