but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
