I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize