she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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