There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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