You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
