I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize