I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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