you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
