Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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