just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
