she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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