I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
