i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you had me at cake vodka
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
