glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
