Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
