The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
In America we eat man semen.
i came on her dog
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
