Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
