guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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