How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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