i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
