Already got asked if we're dating
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
