There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
