u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
