Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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