Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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