dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
