I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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